witnessed a shootout in toni’s neighborhood on the mainland so we were trying to escape from the gangs because they were trying to kill us. we hid in various peoples houses but the houses we chose just so happened to be occupied by members of the gangs enemy so they were already looking around there. we hid in a bathroom of a BIG enemy of the gang but we didn’t know it. it felt the safest there but we heard a rustling outside. toni sat on the toilet and pretended to just be a person pooping or something and i crouched down under the window. a gang member found us and was saying stuff in spanish like “is this what you wanted?”to toni and he put a sharpened pencil to my chest. i felt it pierce my skin and thought to myself “this has to be a dream right? this is the moment where miraculously, i get saved” but nobody was saving me and the gang dude told toni that if he made a move, i’d be dead. then i thought “maybe this isn’t a dream, and maybe this is how i die…nobody is saving me. this sucks.” but then the head of the enemy gang, a HUGE boobed black lady shot the dude in the head and whisked us off to safety. she put us in a bus and told us to just learn how to drive it and we’ll get to where we need to go. i didn’t even know where we were supposed to go but janelle higa was already driving and reading instructions for how to drive a bus so she just drove the whole way. a guy was walking on the road in front of the bus so we were driving at the pace of a man walking.

It was dark, apocalyptic. I was in a house on stilts next to the ocean. I was hiding from DBJ. He was coming to apologize but I didn’t want to see him or talk to him. My friends surrounded me, and even some people I wasn’t really friends with. I thought, if he does just want to apologize, that wouldn’t be so bad, but I was glad they were there just in case. Finally, he was there and he started to calmly apologize when bubba stabbed him with a fork then stabbed himself. both of them died before my eyes and I was in total shock. i honestly thought he just wanted to say sorry, but guess i’ll never know now.

My question was, “Now that I’m going to get married, what do I do?” Zillah’s response was, “I didn’t pay for anything. It starts with basic training & volunteering.”

We bought a house in the forest that we couldn’t afford. I tried to find a room where I could be alone but everyone could see into every place.

Rode on the top of one of those double-decker busses.

living in waikiki. went to ambassador coffee bean and some girls were working there that i didnt recognize. i asked for a chocolate espresso mochi ice cream and she gave me a tub of ube ice cream. i said oh no sorry, i just wanted one piece… and she was just SO disgusted and irritated with me, like i was being so difficult… it was awful. then i left and i was riding the bus. sherry was living at hinamoe with me and my family and someone told me she was an MOD at another coffee bean. i was surprised. she was working in scrubs tho. she ripped off part of angelas room door and nobody cared. 

colt’s grandparents came to visit him. his grandpa was black and his grandma was filipino. the grandpa was trying to hit on me and said i should hide in the shower till he gets back

i went to disneyland with cara N. we were on a really cool ride that was just a chair floating above san francisco. i was explaining my horror story of halloween in 4th grade and how kanoe told the person i liked that i liked them. i didn’t finish tho, it was too irritating and long and i felt it was ruining the ride. then when the ride was done we decided to go get dinner. we ended up eating at this burger counter place in the disneyland hotel where if you go there, the manager will guess exactly what you want to order. he guessed for me, something that only cost 2.50…hey im fine with that. i get out my wallet to pay but i only have big bills..and tons of them since im on vacation. then this dude sitting next to me kept looking at my wallet and i said really loudly “stop looking at me. you are making me uncomfortable. you need to get out of here before i call the cops.” he doesn’t relent. i said oh boy i dare you to fucking touch me right now, trying to act confident so he stops messing with me but i’m actually mortified. the shopkeeper didn’t seem to care, but then he said sir leave the lady alone or im gonna have to get security. he goes i dont care, and pulls out a gun that he says is full of laughing gas, and points it at me. i slowly move away and start to leave. the shopkeeper starts to leave too, im thinking to get security, but as im walking away, i see him come back and start to spray everyone in his path with laughing gas so i duck into a GNC and just pretend to already be sleeping. i feel him spray my back and i try not to move. the laughing gas isn’t working and i can see and feel everything and am aware of everything. there is a bald drag queen that looks a bit like marilyn manson and a crazy boy george put together who puts these handcuff type anklets on my feet with needles in them, but i have to pretend like i am sleeping, a playing dead type situation.

in japan, at a small okonomiyaki mom & pop shop where you could transport your soul to other places while you eat your dinner. the place my soul went (without my consent) was Disney’s Hercules, but a different, much darker version. It was a god’s matchmaker party and hercules was getting set up with Meg BUT she was a god, and she was also already dead. she was wearing a purple and black dress and looked pretty evil actually.

transported back to the okonomiyaki shop and i had a lot of food on my plate. i had to get a huge box for leftovers.

moved to the mainland but everything i knew was there too. we went to the “amusement park” and happened upon the filming of a makeover show where you are enraged then frozen in time until your makeup was done, then released like a bat out of hell to let your anger out however it’s gonna come out. the theme was always a certain celebrity, but it could be based on anyone, not just how they dress, but their spirit. so we saw a blonde girl get an adam levine inspired makeover then charge across the street to attack some kids or something. she was wearing boots that were “rocker” and too tight. somehow i felt her pain, and looked down and i was her cause i could feel the pain.

i was working at the main office there and jon was disconnecting from everyone and everything. i asked him to come to my party and he said no. he was helping me do dishes and talking about another cooler party that he was invited to by some corporate douchebags. “there’s gonna be endless food and alcohol and games…so it was like ‘um allow me to RSVP for that’ haha.” i was so mad…but he seemed to want to reconnect with us “lowly baristas” as i called us. but i was not letting him cause he had his chance. 

there were coffee beans around every corner. jon kept scheduling me at the crappiest ones because they have a rule that the customers cant like you so i kept getting switched around. there was a cardboard cannon which had a video camera in it that robyn was at the helm of, 24/7. i cut an orange permanent water bottle in half and got in big trouble so i went to another coffee bean that chunho frequents and she had just come home from a trip and had a lot to tell me. i tried to have them avoid seeing us talking cause then id have to be transferred again… she was wearing a baby blue ribbon around her neck with a big mesh tea bag full of lemon chamomile.

trying to get to alicia and kristens dance performance on the blacktop of kapunahala.it was raining and we had to climb up the hill from the stream but i was wearing really cute floral flats and my kerokeroppi shirt from like 2nd grade. i couldnt move forward for some reason and angela was with me. we were stuck in mud and muck but we finally got to the thing but her dance was long gone. somehow we were able to see an alternate reality in which we were giving her a hug and she used this as the kickoff to her dance, like she flung us up and we landed all cool but then didnt know what to do once we landed. it was cool but super awkward. perhaps thats why we didnt make it on time, cause it would have taken away from how cool her dance was.

on a road trip with kevjumba. he was getting NUTS. he had a maroon poodle and was driving through some rural area and the poodle was showing its disgust for whatever kevin was doing. he was on the phone with fans or something but he was getting all crazy as he was driving. he had the same real-phone device for iphone that i do, but it was white and he was using it while driving. it was hooked up to the dashboard but it was weird cause it wasnt on speaker. anyway. the poodle was disturbed so they went to visit his friend who had a poodle friend for kevins poodle. kevins poodle saw that poodle in slow motion. it looked just like kevins poodle and it was a perfect match but kevins poodle didnt speak french or something so they could never be together :(

i had a white cat. actually, to be more specific, i had the cat from the fancy feast commercials. i was hiking through the mud and muck again to get to alicias dance thing but i made a wrong turn, and wound up in target. but this target was really weird. i could tell they were trying to push a certain style when i got in there…cutout dresses. neon and yucky camo. there were a few where the top was creme and lacy with a bow on a breast pocket and the bottom was just a bubble hem with cutouts layered on top of another un-cut layer of fabric of a different color. sina was there and saying she really liked those dresses. someone told me they thought i was being fake when i said i ONLY liked that one decent looking dress. fancy feast cat was getting tired as we trekked on through more mud and rainforest to this bar/pub/saloon type thing at the top of a hill. she was making a vlog without a camera saying that cats are meant to be carried. i was carrying her on a slightly longer fishcake block. you know the kine. she was wearing a green vest.

something to do with cats. maybe i was pregnant again? idk i should have recorded this before i made breakfast :(

“summer nights” stuff. i wanted to leave and get going so suggested why cant we just take all the consequences so that SOMEONE will have done it and we can move on with our lives? 

hanging out with dad

went to san fran and saw angela cera and cera’s dog, “ankle wolf” on van ness.

pregnant. living in a shack with grandma rosa and keith and mom alicia and angela. went to walgreens to have my baby. wasnt bad but mom made meleave without getting a formal dischargeso they told me i couldnt go back when i wanted to learn how to breastfeed my amazingly cute daughter. I hadn’t fed her since she came home from the hospital and she wasn’t breastfeeding so I was super worried. Decided to try go back to the hospital and beg them to at least teach me how to feed her…

got lost on the way there. It was dusk but the sky was foggy and black and white. I Came upon this river that supposedly crossed with the thames and some guy was hanging out right next to the point where the Thames becomes the sewage river. Hes wearing a red-striped shirt and has little black gauges & thick black glasses. Guess he was kinda hipsterish. He is super nervous and almost seems afraid but he’s coming closer to me. He knows my name and just starts pouring his heart out to me. I have to tell you…it’s you. it was always you. i was just afraid i wasnt gonna be as good as riley. who actually was kyle renio and i was like um no worries, i dont want you to be riley. I want you to be you because you are what I love. I say what because you’re not just a person to me, you’re the spirit that sets mine free, you are an idea, you are a state of mind. The things he was saying were perfect, and exactly how I knew they would come out. It was like we connected on a whole nother level cause he was saying the words and communicating that way, but I could feel his message before the words came out. Maybe because i was trying to tell him how I felt but he kept saying exactly what I was gonna tell him. It was intense and freaky. He kept wiping his face in nervousness but it was me who was nervous because I had never ever felt such a simple yet strong connection before.

then i was working at some greasy burger place and couldn’t do any work cause i was still sore so toni and lil kooks who were hanging out in the neighborhood, came and helped me out. Always thankful for my friends support!

magoyce got me a job at the store she worked at. it was a government office and a thrift store mixed together. was on my half and texting and she said i should get off my phone and have a conversation with God.

went to a childhood memories picnic. krystal k and jerica were there. i brought angela along and we wore fancy dresses. it was located in one of the forests close to like deans and the police station. somehow it was a time portal tho, cause i was looking through old pictures and suddenly they came to life. alicia was a toddler again and she was asking dad for a piggyback ride. when i told her hey dont forget to tell him thank you after she was super serious and was like oh yes ofcourse. so cute! but then also she was upstairs taking pics with her friends so it was a super big contrast of age. it tripped me out. went back home and was supposed to work at  the zoo coffee shop. it was a coffee shop/vintage china/video store. before i started my shift tho, i  was supposed to spend time with toni and tori. but something messed up the timing and they actually had to go cause tori had practice orsomething. something happened that toni was separated from us and we had to drive his car to him. she got in the car and started driving and talking on her phone and i was trying to stop her but i couldnt speak or move. up ahead there was a sharp turn and we could see people were all swerving off course. i managed to muster up “hey take this turn slowly” but she just took her hands off the wheel and gave up cause she was hoping i would just be driving automatically after that. it was so scary but somehow i actually was driving so it was cool. 

got to my job and had to sell coffee in the little mugs from sentimentally yours that mom displayed when we were kids, videos and old china. there was a white spider…it looked like a rubberband ball and it was a thousand times faster than any other spider so it freaked me out incredibly. zavi finally ate it tho, but it made me wanna barf so i barfed and the spider came out of me. weird. i was supposed to sweep the store but there were monkeypods everywhere and the girl i was working with had to leave.

went to a 24 hour forever 21. but they were closing. i went with alicia and a bunch of her friends but none of us bought anything but on the way out, i saw something and just HAD to get it. It was an item that I saw when I was working there IRL and it was on sale marked down from 24.99 to 6.99. i NEEDED it. so i went back into the store to get it. unfortunately, they were closing the store for the first time. i couldn’t buy it so i had to try to hide it till i could go back for it. they busted me big time and said i was gonna go on the list. i had to give them my full name and email address. i saw the list. alicia was on it. the guy writing me up looked like Colin from work and knew NMX and said that he always talks about me. yuck.